Because I'm Filthy
by QueenOfCitrus
Summary: M-rated; GinHitsu: Why is it that only this, only the twisted and perverse pain and pleasure this man gives him can be enough to put his body at rest? Why is that he needs to sneak around, be crushed under another male's weight, be used and abused, in order to feel complete? What is this, that Gin gives him that nobody else can? One-shot.


**_A/N: Random thing I came up with just now. :)_**

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_Because I'm Filthy_

Something must be wrong with him, because he is pale when it happens; not flustered. He can feel his cheeks and hands cold as ice, his fingers shaking a little as they lift and reach out towards the other person – a gesture equal parts longing, lust, love and, of course, repulsion. It is hard to explain just how aware he is of his own nakedness, of the aching of his nude body as he adjusts it on the edges of the desk and spreads his knees to let his skin meet foreign skin. The sheer largeness of Gin's hands never seems to stop amazing him and this time, like every single other, he jumps a little when he feels the familiar touch on his inner thighs – a touch that travels up and then turns into a hard grip around his waist. Then that usually mockingly smiling mouth is over his own, toxic, intrusive, and yet in its own way, undeniably gentle.

Toushiro can taste the lies and the façade leaking from those lips and right onto his tongue, mixing with his own sins, with his own shame. The way Gin takes over so quickly is stunning really, and it makes him melt against the bigger body as he is lowered on the hard surface and he becomes completely available for what is about to commence. It doesn't not happen as quickly as he has expected – instead he feels the kiss stretch out, destroy the last bits of his resistance as Gin's left hand curls around the back of his head, buries its fingertips in Toushiro's outrageous hair, and allows only a single straying thumb to guide the boy's jaw and direct the liplock the way Gin wants it to. When his erection brushes against his partner's one, Toushiro startles, little jolts of pleasure making his length stiffen further. He knows Gin has felt his surprise and the chuckle that escapes in between the rhythm of their kisses does not catch him of guard, though it does seem to summon a vague cloud of irritation in his stomach. At this hour the whole building is probably empty – of course it would be, it must be nearing 11pm – yet Toushiro can't help it but wish Gin would hurry up. He's been aching for this for so long; he's been needing, thinking about it and hating himself for his wishes for days, months, centuries.

Really, it's only been the previous Wednesday they last did it… It's become more frequent now. More dangerous.

"Do it," he finds himself gasping painfully as Gin's teasing begins to jar him a bit too much. "Do it already. What are you _waiting_ for?"

Gin's mouth moves to his small partner's ear and he allows his breath to tickle the sensitive shell before lapping playfully at it with the tip of his tongue.

"Dun play dumb, sweetheart. _You know what_."

_Go on, then. Beg me._

Toushiro lets out a soft, angry hiss between his teeth and for a longest moment (until Gin's hand slips between their bodies and a finger brushes over his clenching hole) he even considers pushing the man off him. A part of him knows if he was capable of doing that, he'd have reacted in this manner the very first time they'd done it. But he likes to delude himself. He allows the lie to pamper him if only for a short while. Surely, at the end desire wins over though. He arches his back into the lewd touch over his quivering entrance and pulls Gin closer, fingers digging into the firm muscles of the other's back.

"I need it. Please. _Please, Gin_."

_Don't you feel so good when you beg?_

Toushiro does get a bit of a preparation alright – just a bit; a rough pair of fingers and a little spit – it needs to be dirty after all, it needs to be painful. That's the_ point_. That's what gets him off; makes him cry out so loud when he cums beneath Gin's body. And as every other time, his mouth falls open in agonizing astonishment as Gin rams himself in, giving the youth not time to adjust. He catches a sight of Gin's eyes, just for one second, and it almost looks like he wants to say something. Perhaps even ask if Toushiro is alright.

But that's not how they work. This is Gin's revenge, too, in a way, for having to deal with this. For having to take Toushiro's rejection and shame over, and over, and over again. For someone so seemingly dismissive and sarcastic, he sure is quite touchy about personal matters even if he hates to let it show. He's probably told Toushiro about a hundred times by now, to just get it over and done with, come out of his iron-clad closet and be who he is.

But there are some things Toushiro just can't do.

_Don't you feel so filthy when I'm inside you?_

On and on, Gin thrusts inside him, reaching deeper and further than anyone ever has before, and not just on a physical level, but emotionally and mentally, too. It's only taken them 3 months in uni before Gin's managed to worm himself into Toushiro's mind, and poke and prod like a scientist exploring a new and exciting species. At first Toushiro assumed it's just Gin's bitter, sadistic side guiding him to fuck with the minds of those younger than himself who have no experience… But eventually it's come to Toushiro's unwilling attention that Gin is simply incredibly, devastatingly lonely.

_Unloved_.

And unloved he will remain if he doesn't kick Toushiro out of his life for good.

"_Fuck_!" Toushiro writhes and scratches dully at his partner's shoulders when Ichimaru pushes back on the boy's knee, opens him further, wider, and thus changes the angle in such a way that the violation lands directly onto the genius' sweet spot. Toushiro's eyes roll back in his head and he feels his moans drip out like sobs, overwhelming and conquering him till he is a shaking and needy mess. Why is it that only this, only the twisted and perverse pain and pleasure this man gives him can be enough to put his body at rest? Why is that he needs to sneak around, be crushed under another male's weight, be used and abused, and held back from his peak in order to feel complete? What is this, _what is it_, that Gin gives him that nobody else can?

"Such dirty mouth," Gin chides between gasps, pushing in harder, faster. Toushiro can feel those eyes on him, strangely intense, as if they're physically restraining him even in such moment. He wants to return the look, but he hasn't got the strength to do so, and he just lets out a muffled moan when Gin's head drops on his shoulder and a little sigh grazes his sweat-covered flesh. "Toushiro… " He's close. His voice is giving him away. "What am I gonna do with ya?"

When he does cum, Gin is so very quietly. He doesn't say Toushiro's name or make those animalistic sounds Toushiro's imagined men elicit upon their climax – but his hand does slip over the smaller male's one, fingers interlacing with his partner's ones and giving a brief squeeze that remains unreturned.

Once they finish, Gin pulls out and starts dressing up without hurry, just the way he deals with everything else in his life His hair is tousled for once, giving him an oddly boyish look that is only brought out further when he doesn't bother to button his shirt and just throws his unfastened tie around his neck before relaxing himself in the nearest chair. His chest is exposed and still a little glistering from sweat and although he hates himself for it, Toushiro sneaks a peek at the strange, tall man while he struggles to pull his clothes on.

"What did ya tell 'er this time?" Gin asks in that special, half-mocking way only he can. His amusement, Toushiro knows, is genuine for the most part when it comes to '_her_'. Toushiro's fiancée.

"What difference does it make?" Toushiro mutters in response, glad that he has an excuse to look down as he pushes the belt through the loops of his jeans. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Were here," Gin corrects as he pulls a cigarette out of the pocket of his jacket and lights it. "Not anymore."

"Still am," Toushiro grumbles irritably.

"Nope. Ya've already left."

The silence stretches between them unbearable. Gin knows Toushiro hates the stink of cigarettes, which is why he carries on smoking anyway. It doesn't suit a university professor to spend so much time behind the department building puffing tobacco fumes, but who cares? His students call him 'cocksucker' and 'faggot' behind his back whatever he does. It's not like he can help being a lousy role-model.

That's the excuse he gives anyway.

"I'll see ya in class tomorrow?" Gin teases lightly and tilts his head to the side a little as if inviting Toushiro to play along. A thin string of while smoke spills from the corner of his mouth, making him look surrealistic and inhuman in the dimmed light.

"Yeah," Toushiro says stiffly. "Sure."

"Till next time, then," Gin mumbles and brings the cigarette butt to his lips. His eyes are somewhere very, very far away. "Ya can let yerself out."

Toushiro is certain he hears the other chuckle mirthlessly as he scrambles to get away from the office room.


End file.
